Tonight is the second episode of this season’s The Bachelor on ABC. Colton Underwood has twenty-three women vying for his love and roses. He will take several of them on dates tonight, and send others home heartbroken.
If I had a dollar every time Demi said ‘like’ during her explanation of meeting Colton, I would be….well, rich!
Group date: Demi, Bri, Tracy, Elyse, Hannah G, Nicole, Oneyka and Catherine are on this date, where they will talk about their firsts in something. Whether or not this means sex, their first time getting drunk or the first time their mother made them eat broccoli, I have no idea.
Meghan Mullally and her husband Nick Offerman are there to explain the date. They are going to talk about some memorable firsts, so Meghan and Nick give examples. Meghan talks about her first time BLEEPING someone and he talks about the first time he plucked the blossom from a woman….the stories are kind of weird, but all right.
Demi thinks nobody will have a story like hers, but we shall see.
Colton talks about the first time he admitted he was a virgin and being accepted by his teammates.
Elyse talks about how being on the show is her first time dating someone younger.
Nicole says this is her first time dating ‘the whitest bread she has ever had.’
Bri talks about getting a rose from Colton, causing Nick to quip that it takes away from the rose he got.
Onyeka and Catherine talk about their fight the first night and…..I don’t know, it’s weird.
Tracy calls about how she dated a virgin for the first time in college.
Demi uses her story to kiss Colton for the first time….and how it will get her the first group date rose.
Congrats, Demi! You are now Public Enemy #1.
The date continues at a nice club downtown, where they all spend time mingling and making out with Colton.
Demi grabs him first and the girl immediately get jealous and catty.
The other girls get time with hi, but are still miffed with Demi, who tries to take the group rose.
To tell the truth, I kind of tune out.
Elyse gets the group rose, making Demi mad.
One-on-one: Hannah B gets the date, which she calls the best birthday gift ever. He had no idea and takes her on a hiking and horseback riding trip. They also talk, make toasts and….it seems a bit tense, causing Colton to question if he should give her a rose.
However, they open up to each other more at dinner and she lets her guard down a bit. She gets a rose and a kiss. Fireworks explode and all is right in their world.
At the house, Caelynn says Hannah isn’t who she seems and has a switch—which she witnessed firsthand at the Miss USA pageant.
Group Date 2: Alex, Erika, Katie, Caelynn, Sydney, Tayshia, Nina, Kirpa, Caitlin, Courtney, Cassie and Heather all get invited on this date. Heather is nervous to tell him she is a fellow virgin who has also never been kissed.
The date has a summer camp theme, which makes me think of that episode of Blossom where Six compares using tampons to summer camp.
Billy Eichner is there for….I have no idea. He’s hot, so I’ll take it. The girls break into teams to do a competition, where the winners camp under the stars with Colton. Ummm….I think I’d rather lose because I’m allergic to everything outdoors.
More virgin talk….and can we move on, they mentioned it no less than ten times already tonight. Wait, Billy says Colton might be gay? What? I’m REALLY tired and have spent the past three weeks existing on caffeine and only had a total of three full meals this whole week (thanks to my sister-in-law who is kind enough to cook for me!) but I am confused.
Anyway, the red team wins and the yellow team is sent home. The red team takes time to kiss and talk to Colton.
The only thing that stands out for me is when Heather tells him that she has never been kissed and that she is a virgin. He appreciates that she told him and it seems like she is very nicely getting friends zoned. I will honestly be surprised if she gets a rose. She seems like a great girl, but he seemed like he sees her as a friend—even before this happened.
However, she got the group date rose. I’m happy for her because I like her and hope he sees how special she seems to be. (She’s been my favorite since day one, along with Kirpa. They seem chill and drama free.)
At the cocktail party, the girls are nervous and Demi hopes to watch their demise.
The girls spend time with him, talking and kissing. Some girl also plays the drums with a pan and spoon and I’m confused and haven’t even had a drink tonight.
Demi greets him in a robe and takes him upstairs to her fantasy closet. The girls are not happy. It turns out it is a massage in the closet….so okay then!
She tells the girls she helped him tonight and they had an amazing time. The girls explain how she hurt Tracy’s feelings since she interrupted their time together. Demi goes to talk to her and Tracy says she is mean. Demi tells her she is amazing and to keep doing her.
Demi thinks she is being ridiculous.
Elyse-Group date one rose
Hannah B-one on one rose
Heather-Group date 2 rose
Tayisha-girl with carnival last week
Cassie-didn’t really speak this week
Caelynn-other pageant girl
Demi-public enemy #1
Nicole-one who helps take care of her brother
Hannah G-other Hannah
Catherine-mean girl with dog
Sydney-quit her job for him
Onyeka-one in a cute dress
Final Rose Tonight:
Tracy-thinks Demi is mean
Alex-Not a clue
Annie-some random blonde who showed up tonight?
More next week! Stay tuned!