We have all heard of the book and movie ‘He’s Just Not That Into You,’ where we learn that a guy’s actions basically show how he feels about a woman. We see memes on social media that say that if a man doesn’t respond to you right away or is ‘busy’ he obviously doesn’t care. We hear that if ‘he isn’t getting it from you, he is getting it from someone else.’ However, did we ever stop to think that this way of thinking is actually very dangerous and harmful to relationships?
Example 1: Your man doesn’t text, call or contact you all the time. If you freak out on him, of course he is going to back away because you’re acting bunny boiling crazy. Granted, if he hasn’t contacted you in awhile then take a hint, but getting mad because he forgets your morning text or call doesn’t mean he isn’t into you. Life gets in the way. Things happen. Did he freak out when you forgot to text or didn’t call on your lunch break? How would you feel if he did it to you? Annoyed? Angry? Confused? He probably feels this way too. So calm down and if you want to talk to him so badly, text him yourself. Don’t be desperate and send a million texts, but a ‘hi, how was your day?’ text is perfectly fine. More than likely he will respond and you can have your daily chat. Also, don’t freak out of he takes some time to get back to you. Not every person is glued to their phone and sometimes people get distracted or busy.
Example 2: He is busy and/or has other plans. He, like you, has responsibilities. He more than likely has a job that demands a lot of his time. He has other friends. He has family members he would like to see and spend time with. IT ISN’T ALL ABOUT YOU!
Again, if he constantly blows you off, then take a hint, but if he wants to meet up with the guys or visit his grandma, let him. If he says he has to cancel because something came up, instead of getting mad, schedule something for another day. Would you scream and freak out at your girlfriends because they had other plans or had to cancel? No? Why are you doing it to your man then?
Example 3: He isn’t ‘chasing you’ or wants to take things slow. Guys have the right to take things slow just as much as women. Not every man wants to be relentless in letting the object of his affection know he is interested. Not every guy is going to want to jump into bed right away. Some guys are shy, some want to court a girl or get to know her before getting serious (or into bed) with someone. Let him do things at his own pace. He will let you know when he is ready. (Also, those relentless guys are kind of annoying. I understand why guys hate desperation. It’s not cute coming from anyone!)
Example 4: He has other girl friends. Let him be friends with whomever he wants. Chances are he isn’t sleeping with them or cheating. If it is a lot of time and they seem too close for comfort, then gently approach it, but don’t accuse—simply ask him to be honest. If he were cheating, more likely than not, he wouldn’t tell you he was with that particular person.
Example 5: He wants to go out with the guys. I kind of brought this up earlier, but you cannot control him or tell him he can’t do something. (Of course, if he wants to go out and channel Walter White or see if he can party like the Jersey Shore crowd, then be bit worried, but chances are that isn’t happening.) The more you tell him he can’t do something, the angrier he will get and the more he will want to do it. Again, if he and the guys want to go to the game, smile and tell him to have a good time. After all, you probably have a week’s worth of General Hospital to catch up on and chances are he has NO interest in Sonny Corinthos.
However, you do have the right to ask him to be honest about where he is going and what he is doing. For example, if he is going to a bachelor party and there are strippers, tell him to be honest about it. You don’t have to be happy about it, but it is better that he tells the truth. This does not mean you have to give him an interrogation, but a simple ‘what are you and Bob doing tonight?’ or ‘Where did you go?’ is fine.
Yes, I am guilty of being ‘that girl’ at some points in my life. No, I am not proud. Once it was pointed out to me that I wouldn’t treat my other friends like this, it became clear that it is not okay to do it to my man. My apologies to those who I’ve treated badly in the past and know I have learned my lesson.