WWE RAW Recap and Snark for 3/25/19

Another Monday, another WWE RAW. Since last week was so much fun to recap, I  decided to do it again. It is going to be interesting since we are thirteen nights away fro Wrestlemania.

As I posted on Instagram this morning, Wrestlemania 35 will feature the first ever main event with Ronda Rousey, Becky Lynch and Charlotte  Flair. They will close out the show and it will be amazing. Everyone is buzzing about it and I must say I am excited.

Ronda will go up against Becky tonight. She looks like the love child of Avril Lavigne and J.Lo in her Love Don’t Cost A  Thing video.  She gives a speech about Wrestlemania and does several mic drops…while the audience boos.  She also has no clue what the beat the clock challlenge is,  but thinks it is made up. She just wants to get it over with.

The Riott Squad comes out and it looks like Bratz Dolls come to life. Becky also comes into the ring. I have nothing to say about that outfit except I  had something similar in high school.

Becky gives Ronda what for and then Charlotte enters looking like the love child of Cher  and Elsa. She gives her own speech and then finally we  get down to business.

Ronda is up first against Sarah Logan.  Sorry,  it looks more  like little kids chasing each other and playing wheelbarrow at recess. Seriously? WTF?

Ronda set the time to beat at 1:25.

Charlotte and Ruby Riott are up next. She looks like she may have a serious Janet Jackson moment.  She does   NOT beat the clock.

Becky goes up against Liv Morgan. It looks like we are back in the eighties with Krystle and Alexis fighting on Dynasty. BECKY BEAT THE CLOCK!!!

Finn Balor is wearing a jacket with a  Speedo and knee highs. He looks like he escaped a Baywatch Superhero Convention.

Bobby Lashley is in short shorts and belt….and very little else.

Jinder Mahal also enters the ring in a green Speedo and knee highs. The Singh brothers are also there.  It basically looks like an episode of Jerry Springer on steroids. Well, the brothers aren’t really doing anything except  standing at the sidelines in their matching scarves.

Ok that jump and attack was GOOODDDDDD.

Finn wins…causing Lashley to toss the Singh brothers like rag dolls. This will make Wrestlemania interesting, no?

Elias talks to people and plays music in Times Square.

Aleister Black comes out and looks as if he escaped from a Hells Angels meeting.

Ricochet has a boy band look going on.

The Revival have matching Speedos and jackets.

The tag team begins and to be honest,  I’m not really a fan of tag teams. It’s the same thing on Dancing With The Stars when they do grouuup dances. Too much going on. I just stare at the cute men….and those tattoos.

Damn Ricochet! That move was amazing….and led to him and Black winning! Nicceee!!!

Drew McIntyre comes out looking like he escaped a dominatrix party. He calls out Roman Reigns and tells him to think about his family before saying yes to his challenge.

Roman comes out and I  love that shirt he is wearing. Anyone know where to get one? I love the message. He accepts the challenge and begins beating on him for talking about his wife and kids.  Drew knocks the wind out of Roman and it looks like he really got hurt.

Sasha Banks and Natalya are up next with Bayley and Beth Phoenix accompanying them. It looks like a dominatrix fighting Jem dressed for a race car event.

Ouch, that knee strike had to hurt! Sorry, those kicks were pathetic. However, it starts to get good once Sasha pins Natalya, who then ends up flipping and pinning her…and Beth and Nia Jax jumping into the ring.  I did not see that one coming. It leads to a Glamazon win!

Alexa Bliss interviews Braun Strowman and I covet that entire outfit…and her body. Damn, I have to get myself back to the gym.

Colin Jost and Michael Che Show up via satellite and argue with Braun….leading to the Andre the Giant Memorial announcement…where they will battle.

Baron Corbin takes the ring looking like he should be in a sexy office setting with that low button down vest combo. He is up against Apollo Crews who looks like he is in a superhero Speedo with his name on it.

That had to be my  favorite match of the night. Just when you thought it was over, the one being pinned made a move to bring the match back into play.

Baron wins!

Seth Rollins takes the ring, declaring that he is unstoppable and will beat Brock Lesnar. Paul Heyman comes out to say the match is now a handicap match between the two. He picks on Seth and to be honest, I tune out…until Seth chases after him. Paul tries to backtrack and Seth tells him he has it all wrong….he is not asking for thoughts and prayers, he will answer them when he wins at Wrestlemania.

Kurt Angle and. Samoa Joe are up next and it looks like Captain America fighting a sumo wrestler. However, Joe is CRUSHING it tonight, but Kurt seems to be holding his own.

Just when I thought it would go one way, Kurt surprises  me and everyone else by turning the tables, pins Joe and wins it all!

Triple H takes the stage and congratulates the women on the main event. He reads a letter from Dave that quotes the Spice Girls and leads to Triple H calling him pathetic. Basicaly, it is more stipulations from Batista regarding their match. That was pretty much the gist of it.

Elias! As he talks to us again, someone steals his money and he says it is okay because he will make more than that at Wrestlemania.

Dean Ambrose goes up against  Drew. This match is nuts…Drew hitting Dean with stairs, tossing him into the ring, slamming him with chairs….wow.  Dean tries to hold  his own and finally gets him down, but once he gets that table out, Drew picks him up and slams him. Dean is unable to get up, leading to Drew winning Last Man Standing.

 

 

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